Im plead guilty.
I know this is very wrong, but how come it feels so right.
Im scared of karma, but im just enjoying every minute of this because I know it won’t be here to stay long.
Im like living by the moment.
Happiness is really like drugs, once you feel it, tho its bad, you keep doing it because you like what you feel with it.
Im not thinking about what consequences i will face after all of this, all i want is the happiness that I feel right now. I just want to enjoy this time.
I want to take risk, and take chances, life is full of surprises sometimes it could fool you and sometimes it could give you what you want.
Im full of guilt yes, but im somewhat happy. And thats ok for now.
Honestly, i really dont know what to do. Im letting go of something that is so precious for something vague and un-assured. This is the biggest risk I’ve ever done yet, and i know the consequence will also be the biggest.
But I will face that, because I know I deserve that.
God please help me. Guide me to the right path and lead me not to the wrong one. To You I will leave it all. Please help me. 🙏
I said that I will forget whatever feelings I have for him, but it seems like it just got deeper. FUCK!
Just this morning i got curious about how they exchange sweet nothings on FB, but there was nothing at all. I just thought that maybe he is just being a guy, you know like being so manly that doesn’t like to do unmanly stuffs like that. But lo and behold, when I went to the girl’s profile I found out that she has a boyfriend now there in Canada ! Her relationship stat is already in married status ! And another revelation, theres a post where she said to her family that ‘finally after all she will be with her bf now’ so it sounds like they’ve been together for a long time, and thats when I was able to put the pieces together.
Probably the reason why they are not showy of their relationship is that the girl already has a bf all along and he is just a past time for her. Or maybe he doesn’t know? Or after they broke up she already dated instantly? I’m not really certain.
But whatever it is, f*ck that bitch !
She should’ve just let him go, or never tried to even be with him at all so that he had a time to look for the right one for him who wouldn’t hurt him the way that she did. They both just wasted each other time but him being so wasted at the end.
I just can’t stand why she did that. She trash the person I’ve always dreaming of. Why on earth he loved that girl, when all along I’m just here waiting for him, I could have given all the time that he wants all the love that he needs!!
But its too late now. I cannot give it to him anymore because i have already given it to someone who loves me more than I do.
Life is just so unfair, we cannot always get what we want, but at the end of the day we will know the reason why…
I guess that’s it.
I have given enough chances and it concluded that the theory is somewhat rejected. Tho, there are still some proofs but twas really vague.
I think all along it was really just a mistaken feelings. We just got closer because of someone who’s really the one who likes me, it was confirmed tho. So i just assumed. All along.
I guess he’s just like that, he likes getting closer and nicer to some that he viewed to prospect. And I was a victim of that deception. Girls are really so weak and tends to assume then fantasize the ‘every possibility’.
Im just a girl.
Now, to pin out the point, It’s just all for amusement. I was waiting for a closure, to know if theres ever a time when he ever likes me, if he loved me, for the sake of my sanity and peace of mind, but I guess there are really things that has to be left unsaid, because it’s either gonna hurt you badly or start the confusion in you.
So I just have to leave it all behind, and focus to the things that really matter now. I should not live forever in the past, and wait till the sun sets on my sky. I should start seeing the bright sunshine of the world I’m living in right now. I have realized that maybe the questions of the past might be answered, but I guess it won’t change anything now. He’s now part of my past, unrequited and undisclosed but One thing is known now, I have the man that I really deserved and thats an enough reason to leave all the past behind. It’s all now part of my past, and the past is never gonna comeback so I must focus on my present.
This an enough closure for me to make. It ends tonight….